It was Christmas morning a couple of years back. The rain had stopped. Traffic was light. He ambled along the sidewalk, dressed in a blue nylon blazer and old khaki workpants. I guessed that he was fifty years old or so. He held a cigarette in his hand.
I watched him as we both waited for the light to change. He would cross the street going in one direction. I would drive on in the other. He occasionally raised the cigarette to his mouth, took a puff, and blew the smoke into the damp air. I thought about the Kris Kristofferson song, “Sunday Morning Coming Down.” This was a Wednesday, but the song still seemed to fit. He reminded me of the character in that song.
What was his story? I wondered where he was going. Did he have family nearby that he was on his way to visit? Would he be trading the damp chill outdoors for a warm living room with laughter, food, and gifts? Or was he alone and simply on his way to a convenience store to buy food, cigarettes, snacks, or beer? I felt a twinge of guilt for stereotyping him.
I’ll never know any of these things about him. But he was a stark reminder that everyone has a story, and everyone’s story matters to someone. His life and experience mattered to family, friends, and coworkers. Then again, maybe he had none of these and the events that made up his life only mattered to him. But they mattered. He mattered. He has a story.
Most of us are in love with our own stories. Aren’t we convinced that ours is unique and special? Don’t we often consider our life to be unlike anyone else’s and also to be more important? I suppose that’s just human nature. And, on one level, it’s true. Our life is unique, and in so many ways, different from any other. And hopefully our goal in life is to make the best of our life and our story. But it’s important to understand that everyone has a story to tell, and theirs is also unique and meaningful.
Let me share an example. My family. I love my wife, my children, and grandchildren passionately and uniquely. To me, they are the most important people in my world. I would do anything for them, even to the point of giving my life. That’s how it should be. Chances are you feel the same about your family.
So, what’s my point? Indulge me as I try to put this simple truth into words. It’s this. I should be aware that you have a story and that it’s important to you. I need to understand and respect that. And, if I know you personally, I should be able to enjoy your story to the degree that you share it with me, or to the degree that I become aware of it on social media or through other channels.
I can appreciate your joy, your happiness, and your successes while also pursuing and enjoying all those same things in my life. I can be empathetic when tough times come your way. My story is not competing with yours. Your successes don’t restrict or diminish mine, and vice versa. And I shouldn’t be apathetic about your story. Obviously, this is obviously more relevant if I know you. For total strangers, my reaction to their stories is going to be less than if we have a friendship or history together.
When I reached 70 years a couple of Decembers back (actually a few days before I saw the gentleman mentioned above), I determined to live my life with a little different attitude. I have a greater desire to live out my story as well as I can. I want to be wiser in the use of every day that is given to me, making commitments that matter, and, where necessary, even be a little more selfish with my time. I want to have more time for my wife and those closest to me. I want to “smell the roses” as they say.
But I also want to be more aware of others and take time to listen and to understand their story as best as I can. I realize this isn’t possible with every person I encounter, but I can do better . Maybe I can become better friends with my neighbors. Surely, I can invest a little more time in the lives of the men I teach on Sunday morning. Obviously, I can take a little more interest in my coworkers’ stories. And hopefully I can seek to understand my clients’ lives in ways that go beyond our professional relationship, and show that I value them for more than their monthly retainer.
Does it please you when someone asks about you, your interests, your family, your opinion? Of course, it does. It likely brings a smile to your face and excitement to your voice. Knowing that, do I extend that same interest to you as it relates to your story as I would want from you if I shared mine? If not, and our paths cross, I hope I can do better. I hope I can have a genuine interest in you and those things that you care about.
Finally, I hope your life story is progressing as you would want it to. And I also hope that if we bump into each other on this journey of life, whether literally or somewhere in the social media cloud, you’ll let me know just a little bit of that story. And if you do, my desire is that I’ll be a good listener, and that I’ll value the fact that you cared enough to share it with me.
Our stories matter. Yours matters. I’d love to hear it.